


The Words That I could Never Say (Gonna Come Out Anyway)

by lucyyh



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: All the fluff because of reasons, College AU, F/M, Minor Thea Queen, Olicity Goodbye Exchange, Olicity Secret Santa, Sort Of, holiday au, i have no more tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucyyh/pseuds/lucyyh
Summary: "Logically, Oliver knows he has nothing to worry about. He is organizing this particular celebration for the first time, and he is bound to make mistakes. But the part of him that will do anything to make Felicity happy, wants every little detail to be perfect. "
Relationships: Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 19
Kudos: 100





	The Words That I could Never Say (Gonna Come Out Anyway)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my gift for Redpensandhoodies in tumblr. It was the first time I participated on the Olicity secret santa, so I was a little bit nervous about it. But it was super fun!!
> 
> Huge thanks and all the hugs and chocolate for Stephswims, who's the best beta, cheerleader and friend that anyone can have! 
> 
> English is not my first language, so all mistakes are mine. If you feel like leaving a review, thank you. If you don't like the story, just close the tab and look for a story you like.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

_ December 20, 2008. _

  
  


He trips over the words for the thousandth time in the last fifteen minutes or so, and with a groan of frustration, Oliver closes the book and hits the kitchen counter with it. 

The loud bang, amplified by the silent loft, makes him jump a little, and he stays still, his eyes fixed on the stairs leading to the second floor, listening intently for any sound that could alert him that Felicity woke up with the noise and is coming down the stairs. 

He knows it is practically impossible, but Oliver’s nervousness has been steadily growing every passing hour since this morning. 

He doesn’t know how he will survive tomorrow. 

  
  


After a few minutes where he doesn’t move an inch, he relaxes a little, now sure that Felicity is still sleeping peacefully. He opens the book again, trying to go back to reading, but he can’t concentrate on the words. They mesh together forming just one big pile of letters that don’t make any sense, not anymore. 

Standing up, he goes and grabs a glass from one of the kitchen cabinets and fills it with water from the faucet. He drinks a few sips, washes the glass and leaves it in the dish rack. Leaning on the counter, he looks around the loft, not knowing what to do. He’s too wound up to even consider going to bed now. He’ll just lay there, looking at the ceiling and panicking over everything he has planned for tomorrow. 

Rubbing a hand over his eyes, he sighs and goes to sit on the sofa. Turning the tv on, he changes the channels for a minute, but he has no real interest in watching tv, so he just leaves it on and stares blankly at the wall behind the tv.

Logically, Oliver knows he has nothing to worry about. He is organizing this particular celebration for the first time, and he is bound to make mistakes. But the part of him that will do anything to make Felicity happy, wants every little detail to be perfect. 

Hence why he is so stressed and frazzled. 

“Hey,” her sleepy voice startles him, and he quickly turns towards the sound of her voice. She is standing at the foot of the stairs, rubbing her eyes to chase the sleep away. “It’s like three. You can’t sleep?”

He shakes his head in answer. “And you?”

“I had a stupid nightmare. For some reason there were kangaroos here in Starling, and they were just standing there, looking at me with their little, beady black eyes, waiting for me to move and attack me.” She shakes her head several times, as if she is chasing away the images of her dream.

“I will never understand why you are so scared of kangaroos.” She glares at him, and Oliver raises his hands in defeat, “they are cute!”

“They are not! They are big jerks who kick and punch you at the first opportunity they have.”

His lips turn up on a smile. “Felicity…”

“Do I have to show you the videos again?”

He groans, “Oh please don’t. I can’t watch anymore of those videos.” Felicity puts her hands on her hips and arches an eyebrow, waiting. He rolls his eyes, but dutifully says, “Kangaroos are evil, cunning little assholes and we hate them.” 

Felicity nods satisfied and flops besides him on the sofa. She curls into his side, hugging his arm, her lips lightly touching his shoulder.

The intimate gesture makes a swarm of butterflies flutter wildly on his stomach. He is overwhelmed by his feelings for her and the strong urge of telling her once and for all that he is in love with her. But he can’t. 

With a lump forming in his throat, he buries those feelings in the depths of his heart, too scared of ruining their friendship. Of losing her and watching her walk away from him for good.

She is too important for him. Oliver won’t jeopardize the place he has in her life, just because he couldn’t help but falling in love with her.

(He wonders if anyone who has ever met her has any chance of  _ not _ loving her in some way.)

\----

He met Felicity over two years ago. He had flunked out of his second college a few months before, and his parents sent him to Boston hoping that if he was away from Starling and the lifestyle he had led until then, it would help him mature and with any luck, he would straighten out his life.

In truth, it wouldn’t have mattered. Oliver had a gift for getting himself in trouble, didn’t matter where he was or who he was with. The difference this time was that he wanted to change. He was tired of his playboy, trust fund baby fa ç ade. Of the careless boy who didn’t care about any one, who lived for the next party, or the next woman. Not one of those things (or those women) filled the void in his soul, that took away a part of his self-worth and identity every day. 

He wanted to discover who he was and what he could achieve without his parents fixing all his screw-ups.

Boston provided a great opportunity to do just that. 

It was easier said than done. He was applying himself on his classes, arriving on time and paying attention, but his parents had paid his way through high school, and now at college he realised he was behind in so many subjects that he was barely managing to keep up. 

He had been close to giving up and accepting he was a failure.

His saving grace came in the form of a flyer, pinned on the notice board in the common room of his dorm building. 

It was a list of students advertising their tutoring services for a variety of subjects. One particular name caught his attention. There was nothing special in her description. Just her contact info and a short list of the subjects she could help students with. It was just her name. In a list full with normal, typical names, her’s stuck out like a sore thumb. 

He called her, later that day.

And that’s how he met Felicity.

At the beginning, Felicity was all business. She was there to help him, not to make small talk. She was never unkind or curt, but she didn’t treat him as if he was dumb either, so Oliver was okay with her requirements, even if he sometimes had to basically clench his mouth shut, so he didn’t blurt out any of the personal questions he was dying to ask her. (He had a lot.)

Oliver thought she was one of those people who just didn’t like to talk.

Boy was he wrong. 

In their fifth session, she was explaining some things for his economics class, and while giving him an example, she said something about length and thickness, making a surprised laugh escaped his lips. She blushed hard and then started babbling, trying and failing epically to explain herself. 

She stopped, eventually, embarrassment coloring her face. She told him then, the reason why she didn’t speak much was her tendency to babble. More than once, her ability to transform the most innocent sentences into innuendos as well as her rants, had driven away a student. There had been one or two that had gotten angry and said hurtful things that made her doubt if she should keep tutoring. So, Felicity told Oliver she understood if he chose to stop their lessons, and that she would happily recommend another tutor.

He had touched her shoulder, smiled and assured her he didn’t mind her babbles. He actually liked that she finally had talked about something other than math.

She furrowed her brow, told him that if she went off the rails he had to stop her. He agreed and she smiled, a big, beautiful smile that made his heart beat a little bit faster.

After that, they became friends.

Oliver discovered little by little, all the good traits of her character. Her strength, kindness, loyalty and honesty made her the object of his admiration and respect. The fact that she didn’t put up with his shit only strengthened their relationship. It was a nice change having someone who wasn’t scared of telling him when he screwed up, when he was being a jerk. It was even better having someone who supported him, and believed in him.

Along the way, he fell in love with her. 

He can’t pinpoint the moment, he just knows it happened between studio sessions and quiet conversations over a cup of coffee. One day, Oliver realized his feelings for her had changed, and that was it. He never questioned it or tried to look for reasons why it happened. 

He didn’t need to. Felicity always made things easy. Even falling in love with her.

\------

“What are our plans for tomorrow?” her sleepy voice brings him back to the present, and he looks at the mess of blonde hair leaning on his shoulder. 

“We could have brunch at one of the cafeterias close to the Starling Bay. After, I was thinking we could take Thea to the ice rink. She has been sending text after text badgering me about going there.”

“Well then, we must do what our little Queen requests.” She laughs at her lame joke, poking his ribs until she manages to make him chuckle. “And later?”

“You’ll light your Menorah, won’t you? We need to be back here before nightfall...and that is at like four.”

“I will, but later later? That won’t take more than one hour...are we planning to stay in?”

Oliver stiffens a little, suddenly at a loss of words. It’s ridiculous, how he can come up with a believable excuse, when he used to be so good at lying. It shouldn’t be this difficult when it is necessary if he wants to really surprise her tomorrow. “Movie night? I don’t feel like going out.”

Felicity looks at him suspiciously, making him squirm a little. He has never been able to hide anything from her and knows he will blurt out everything the moment she calls him out on his strange behavior. 

He holds his breath, waiting for her to say something, praying she can’t see that he is about to freak out.

After a few seconds of intense staring, she sighs, rolls her eyes and shrugs. “Whatever you want. I will pick the movie though, because if I have to watch ‘Die Hard’ one more time, I will throw you out of the window, Oliver.”

“You can barely lift a box with a few books. I doubt you can throw me out of the window.”

“Hey!” She slaps his arm, but he barely lifts an eyebrow, “Ugh, your arms are crazy hard! Look at my poor hand, it’s all red!” She shakes her hand a little, murmuring about him and his ridiculously fit body, making him snort. 

“Whatever. If I can’t throw you out of the window, I will hack your laptop and change your playlist to porcupine farts. And your cellphone ringtone.”

“No ‘Die Hard’ then, noted.” She nods happily, then turns her attention to the tv. “What are you watching?”

He looks at the tv, a little confused. “Nothing. I don’t even know why I turned it on.” 

Felicity grabs the remote, turns off the tv. “Come on Oliver, let’s go to bed.” She stops, cringing at her words, “I mean, to our separate beds. I wasn’t implying we should share one...I’m not saying there’s something wrong with two friends sharing a bed! I wouldn’t be opposed-I, well, if we were in a situation where we have to share a bed...you don’t snore, I know that because I’ve watched you sleep...not creepily! You know that! It was that time when you passed out on the couch, while we were watching that horror movie, that was so lame, remember? I didn’t want to wake you, so you just slept through the rest of the movie and didn’t snore at all...yeah ok, there’s no way I can save this, I’ll just shut up now, yep.”

He laughs heartily, shaking his head. “Don’t worry ‘licity, I know what you meant. And you are right, we should go to sleep.” 

They climb the stairs in silence, and he thinks that he wouldn’t have been opposed to sharing a bed with her. 

  
  


\-------------

_ December 21, 2008. _

He’s weird.

No, that’s a lie. Oliver is a dork, sometimes a little bit of a jerk, a huge sap, but never weird. He is acting weirdly, that’s a better way of describing how he has been behaving since yesterday. He is jumpy, looks at his watch every two minutes, speaks on the phone with someone in hushed tones, and talked with Raisa when they went to pick up Thea at the mansion, which is not exactly unusual, but the fact that he jumped a foot when she interrupted them, it wasn’t normal at all. He had started stuttering an explanation, but Raisa looked at the ceiling and said something in Russian. Oliver shut up at once, blushing so hard that even his hair was red. 

They are at the ice rink now. Thea’s been spinning and making all kinds of pirouettes on the ice, while Felicity is holding one of the fences, refusing to even move an inch. She already tried, but she is a klutz and fell on her butt four times before she decided she was going to stick to the border. So now she is stuck here, watching with envy as Thea skates with an elegance and easiness she won’t reach, not in this life, or the next. 

Someone swooshes past her, close enough to graze her jacket. She squeaks, tripping over nothing, desperately trying and failing to grab the fence to avoid face planting on the floor. 

Luckily for her, Oliver arrives just in time, grabbing her waist and helping her recover her balance. 

“You okay?”

“Yes, thank you for saving my teeth.”

He chuckles, and she stares for a moment too long at his face. She can’t help it, Oliver is so gorgeous she is actually surprised she doesn’t look at his face all the time. Of course, other parts of Oliver are worthy to stare at, like his abs, and his legs, and his…

_ “Get a grip you dumbass,” _ she scolds herself.

“Are you sure you don’t want to skate? It’s not difficult. I can teach you, and I won’t let you fall.”

“Ugh no, I will probably manage to make us both fall on our butts, or worse, we will end up face first on the ice.” He rolls his eyes. “Help me get there.” She points at the ice rink exit. I will take off the skates and rest my butt.” Scrunching her nose, she adds, “Does that sound weird? Yeah, I think it does. Maybe. Anyway, It’s true. My butt needs rest because it’s hurting, and I think I might even have a few purples already.” Without letting go of her waist, Oliver gently steers her to the exit. “Maybe I shouldn’t sit, if my butt is already bruising, it will only hurt more…” A woman passes close to them and gives her a disgusted look, making her blush in embarrassment. “Ok, I will stop talking about my behind.”

Oliver doesn’t say anything, probably because he is trying so hard not to laugh at her, the jerk. Finally, they get to the exit, and Felicity starts to untie her skates right there, instead of sitting on one of the benches, like Oliver suggests. Once she is free of them, Felicity looks for a place to sit, and once she is satisfied that her butt doesn’t hurt when she sits, she stretches her toes, groaning in pleasure. 

“Be nice and bring me my boots?” She bats her eyelashes at him, and Oliver complies. He is back soon and helps her put on her boots. She blushes a little, the brush of his fingers making her heart jump on her chest. 

“Are you sure you don’t wanna try?” Felicity shakes her head. “We’ll be here for another hour, I don’t want you to get bored.” 

“Just one hour?”

“Nightfall Felicity. And we have plans for movie night.”

“I know. Are you sure you don’t wanna go out? Grab some drinks? I feel like having a drink.”

“Yeah-” He scratches his head. “I have a few bottles of wine at the loft, we can drink them.”

“Okay…” He is acting weird again. “I was in the mood for dancing too, hit the club…”

He stutters a little, and jeez, what is wrong with him?

“I don’t dance Felicity…”

“Well, I can go on my own..”

“No!” he says forcefully, and then takes a deep breath, plastering a cheerful (super fake) smile on his face. “We can go to a club another day, okay? I really want to stay at home tonight.” Before she can reply, he changes the subject. “Are you sure you don’t wanna try again?”

  
  


She gives him an annoyed look, “I won’t. I’ll just watch you guys twirling around,doing triple axels.” He rolls his eyes good naturedly. “And I wanna call my mom. We haven’t spoken since Thursday, and I wanna know how she’s doing, wish her a Happy Hanukkah and all that,” she flippantly says, but Oliver’s expression tells her he knows she isn’t feeling very festive right now.

“Ok. If you need anything…”

“I’ll tell you, don’t worry.”

He gives her one last smile and goes back to the ice rink. 

She watches Oliver and Thea for a few minutes, joking around and teasing each other. It’s amazing how good their relationship is, even with the almost ten years of difference between them. Oliver always talks about his sister, “his Speedy” as he calls her. He loves her so much, and it shows in everything he does for Thea. 

Thea loves her brother too. She adores him and thinks her brother is the best. Even now, as a teenager, she still shows her brother how much she admires and loves him. 

(It’s not to say that she doesn’t teases him all the time. She does. Thea is always looking for new ways of annoying her brother.

It’s glorious.)

  
  


Everytime Felicity sees them interact, she wishes she had a sibling. Growing up with a mother who worked more than sixty hours a week, resulted in her being a lonely child, whose closest friend was a computer.

Shaking her head, she takes her phone out of her jacket pocket, and searches for her mother’s phone number. Her finger hovers over the call button, wondering if she should call her now or later. In the end, she switches off the screen, and pockets her cellphone. She’ll probably cry if she talks to her mom, and she thinks it’s better if she does in the safety of the loft, and not in an ice rink full of people.

“Not crying in front of strangers, that’s a good new year’s resolution,” she repeats as a mantra, over and over again.

Still, a few tears roll down her cheeks.

\----

Felicity had plans for the holidays. Plans that involved her mom, too much fried food, and maybe some tv show marathons.

For the Smoak women, Hanukkah has always been their most beloved celebration. When she was little, Donna always took time for celebrating, asking for days off at her jobs, and making sure that Felicity enjoyed the holidays, even if they never had much. 

Once Felicity started high school, it was more complicated. Donna knew Felicity’s dream was attending MIT, and even if she got a full scholarship (as Felicity’s teachers assured her she would), her daughter was going to need money for all the things the scholarship didn’t cover. So Donna got a third job, started working over sixty hours a week, and all but said goodbye to any vacation time. 

It meant, too, that she couldn’t always be at home for lighting their Menorah, or having dinner with Felicity. 

When Felicity went to college, it was even more difficult. 

The distance made it hard for Felicity to go home during winter break. Plane tickets weren’t cheap, and with Donna working so much, it was a waste of money for her to travel to Las Vegas, and spend her days in an empty apartment. 

This year was going to be different. 

At the beginning of the year, Donna got a raise in one of her jobs, and since Felicity’s work as a tutor allowed her to earn good money, her mom didn’t need to work herself to death.

With that in mind, Donna told Felicity that they could spend Hanukkah together. She was going to ask for vacation time, and Felicity had enough money saved for the plane tickets. 

It was going to be their first Hanukkah together in years. 

Of course, nothing went according to plan.

At the end of November, one of Donna’s aunts died. She went to Illinois for the funeral, and to support Rachel, Donna’s favorite cousin, a shy, nervous woman that had spent the last six or seven years taking care of her sick mother, with no help from her other three siblings. 

She was only going to stay in Illinois for a week, but soon that week turned into two, and then into three. Rachel was a wreck, and the fights between the siblings increased when they found out their mother had gifted the house to Rachel, at least three years before she died. If it hadn’t been for Donna, they would have walked all over Rachel, bullying her into giving them the house. When they realised they wouldn’t achieve their goal, they left, screaming at Rachel that she was a bad sister.

Things had calmed down then, but Donna stayed so she could help Rachel sell the house, since the poor woman didn’t think she could stay there anymore. She was looking to start anew in Florida, where one of her few friends lived, far away from her horrible siblings.

And just like that, Felicity’s plans went down the drain.

She told Donna she could travel to Illinois and meet her there, but in the state things were, Donna didn’t think it was a good idea. She was sad they were going to miss another Hanukkah, but she thought it was her duty to help her cousin. 

So Felicity resigned herself to spend another winter break in Boston, alone.

Until Oliver invited her to Starling City. 

She hadn’t hesitated in accepting, spending time with Oliver was one of her favorite things to do, and visiting a city like Starling, where some of the most important technology companies in America have their headquarters, it was a dream come true. She would hopefully tour a few of those companies.

It would help her soothe her sadness too.

She had her reservations though. His parents didn’t like her much, not since she had blurted out something about Mr. Queen’s ‘assets’ when Oliver had introduced her during one of their rare visits to see their son (she was talking about technology, not...other things). The dinner invitation they had so kindly extended was withdrawn with an excuse of wanting to spend time with their son, and she was left feeling horrified at what had come out of her mouth, and wishing for the earth to open up and swallow her whole.

(Oliver had been furious with his parents. He had refused to go to dinner with them, even though she had tried to change his mind. She was equal parts upset that he didn’t see how that would only make his parents dislike her more and touched that he had her back.)

Anyway, Oliver assured her they wouldn’t stay at the mansion, and they would see his parents only during the annual holiday party, and maybe at Christmas dinner. He had told her then, about the loft he had purchased during summer break, how he thought it was time he left the mansion and look for his own space, away from his parents’ expectations and demands.

_ “And they agreed to buy you the loft?” She knew he didn’t have access to his trust fund until his 25th birthday. _

_ “Of course not. Mom lost it. Well, as much as she can lose it…” _

_ “Then how?” _

_ “Grandpa Queen left money for his five grandchildren. We could have control over the money once we turned 21.” They were waiting for their take-out in a crowded BBB, sandwiched between the bar and a group of obnoxious teenagers. “It wasn’t much. He said it was mostly for us to have fun and enjoy life before our parents dumped a shit ton of obligations over us.” _

_ “He said that?” _

_ “Word by word. He made a video with the will. It was hilarious. He told my dad to calm the fuck down and pull the stick out of his ass.” _

_ Felicity burst out laughing, but she quieted down when some people turned to look at her. _

_ “You didn’t follow his advice.” _

_ “How so?” _

_ “Well, you said he didn’t leave you much, and instead of partying or travelling around the world, you bought a loft...” _

_ “I still have money left. The loft cost me...1.5? He left me 10.” _

_ Felicity gaped at him. For an insanely long time. _

_ “HE LEFT YOU TEN MILLION DOLLARS!?” _

_ All the people in the diner had looked at them, some amused, others annoyed at her loud voice.  _

_ Embarrassed, Oliver cleared his throat, and asked her, “Are you coming or what?” _

  
  


And she had come. To Starling! She wasn’t talking about any other type of coming...

Oh google, not even in her stupid memories could she stop the innuendos.

\-------

  
  


He was acting weirder.

When they dropped Thea at the mansion, Oliver had run to the kitchen, had another secret conversation with Raisa, another strange phone call, and then dragged her out of the mansion, completely ignoring the maid who told him his mother wanted to talk to him. She tried to slow him down, but he kept repeating they didn’t have time, even if she told him, grumpily, that they still have time before nightfall.

“I don’t wanna drive without daylight.”

“Is not even 3:30 p.m, Oliver.”

“Yeah but there’s traffic.”

She looked out of the window. “It doesn’t seem like we’ll get stuck in traffic. ”

No answer.

“Oliver?”

“Mmm?”

“Why don’t you tell me what you are hiding?”

He tries to smile, but instead his mouth curves in a grimace. ”I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Are you kidding me? You’ve been tense all day. Every time I ask you something, you give me super crappy - even for you - explanations. You got all jumpy when I caught you talking with Raisa, and you run to another room every time your phone rings. The only possible conclusion is that you are hiding something.”

He purses his lips but doesn’t say a word.

“You are sooo hiding something, Oliver Queen!”

Again, silence.

“You know I hate mysteries!! They bug me. I will discover it and…”

“We are here.” She looks out of the window, and sure enough, they are entering the garage of the apartment complex.

Oliver parks the car but doesn’t unlock the doors. He looks at her, intensely, and she wonders what is going through his mind right now.

“I...it is a surprise. I’ve been planning it for a couple of weeks, that’s why I didn’t tell you. Please don’t be mad?”

There’s a mix of insecurity and hope in his eyes, one that makes her nod without saying a word. She has a lot of questions, but she doesn’t need to ask them. She’ll find out soon enough what this surprise is, and why he has been so nervous about it.

They get out of the car silently and ride the elevator in equal silence. She wants to reach out and squeeze his hand, give him some sort of reassurance that she won’t get upset, that whatever he did, she will love it.

For some strange reason, she can’t.

The elevator stops, the doors open, and they walk side-by-side to the loft. He stops for a moment before unlocking the door but doesn’t say anything. 

Once the door is open, he motions for her to get in.

It’s dark inside, the dim lights of dusk barely illuminating the space. She looks at Oliver, who’s still standing at the door. He gives her a small smile and turns on the light.

“Baby!!” 

The scream makes her turn around fast. Her heart pounding in her chest. Her mother is jumping up and down, in a tight pink dress and high silver stilettos. Tears spring to her eyes, and she barely has time to choke out an incredulous ‘Mom?’ before Donna engulfs her in a tight hug.

She cries then, big, fat joyful tears. Her mom is saying something, but she is too overwhelmed to understand her.

It takes her a few minutes to calm down and be able to talk.

“How? I-I thought...”

“I know darling, and I was planning to stay in Illinois until after the New Year. But he,” she points at Oliver, who’s still standing close to the door, “called me and offered his help. He arranged for someone to take care of all the paperwork and legal proceedings of selling the house, and helped Rachel settle in Florida. She’ll stay with her friend until she can get her own place.” Donna dries her tears with her fingers, smudging a little of her mascara. “Once Rachel was on her way, he bought me a plane ticket and told me he wanted it to be a surprise…” She opens her arms and screams, “Surprise!”

Felicity’s laughs reverberate on the walls. She hugs her mother and both of them jump a little until Donna stops and says between laughs that she’ll break an ankle if they keep jumping around. 

Oliver clears his throat and takes a hesitant step in their direction.

“I take it you aren’t mad?” His lips curl in a small smile.

She shakes her head in answer, unable to give him a verbal response.

“Good.” He points in the direction of the big windows, “It is time already, isn’t it?”

There is a small table by the window, close to the door that leads to the balcony. On top of the table sits her Menorah, ready to be lit.

“Oliver…”

“Raisa made food.” She can see he is still nervous, “I was thinking on cooking myself, but as I wanted it to be a surprise, I asked for her help. That’s why we were having ‘secret conversations’.” There’s a pause, where he seems to think for a little while what he wants to say. “Are you happy?”

Her smile gets bigger, and she nods. “I am. Thank you, Oliver.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” He hesitates for a moment, and then in a whisper he adds, “The only thing I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”

He is looking at her intensely, an open, vulnerable expression on his face. It hits her then, and she wonders how she never noticed before.

Bringing her mother, making sure they can celebrate Hanukkah together, and all the little things he has been doing to cheer her up was his way of telling her he loves her.

She realises then, that he has been telling her he loves her, for a really long time.

In that moment, all the fears that have kept her from confessing her feelings for him, disappear. 

How can she be scared of loving him, when he loves her as intensely as she loves him?

  
  
  


She wants to tell him that she loves him. That she has loved him since the first time she saw him in the library and he asked her if she was willing to help him. That her love only grew as she got to know the kind of person he is. How his courage, kindness, generosity, and thoughtfulness makes him a better man than the one he thinks he is. The best man she has ever met.

She wants to tell him that and so much more. 

But not now. She’ll tell him later, when they are alone.

She grabs his hand, and walks towards the Menorah, where her mother is already waiting for them. 

She doesn’t let go of his hand while Donna lights the candle, or when she says the blessings. 

She doesn’t plan on letting go for the rest of the night.

She hopes they won’t let each other go, ever.

  
  


\----00000----

_ Finito. _


End file.
